strive to thrive!

Okay. New Year post.

First, I want to just review my last year. At this time last year I was a newly morning-sick mom. For a while I wondered what I was thinking when I thought I could handle this. Work was so hard. Eating was so hard. Staying healthy was impossible. My goal was to stay alive until my baby was born.

But luckily, that was just the beginning. As the months went on I felt better. Work was fun again(love and miss my kids!). It was so fun to watch and feel my little miracle grow and develop. I learned so much and I gained a certain respect for women and gained a testimony of how much our Heavenly Father respects us. I can't believe he has trusted me to raise this perfect miracle. He was born into our stewardship at the end of July. He is the best baby and having him has truly changed my life.

This past year has been the happiest that I remember. I feel good. I feel more energetic. I have learned new things and I feel better about myself. I don't know if I feel so much better because I am confident that this is what Heavenly Father wants me to be doing, or maybe because I accomplished something amazing that I didn't know if I would make it through. Maybe being pregnant and having a baby balanced my out-of-whack chemicals. I don't know why, and I really don't care. More than once since Edgar has been born I have just cried because I am so grateful to feel alive. To feel Joy in every day. I am closer to my husband and more in tune with my Heavenly Father

But here's the thing. I know how depression is. I know that I still have it. And I am scared out of my mind that I will fall back to where I was. SO, that brings me to my new goals.

1) practice letting worries go. I don't have to be perfect by this time next year, I just want to be better. I am going to calmly(with Robert's help if need be) figure out how important my worries are, whatever they end up being. If it is not something that I will remember in two weeks, I will try to let it go. In this way I will be less concerned with what may happen and be able to live in the moment and notice better the great things that are going on in my life.

2) I will strive to come closer to my husband. This isn't a goal that will end with the year. But I will communicate better. I will tell him when something bothers me or just remind him of something he forgot instead of waiting until he can read my mind. If I am upset I will tell him why instead of pretending nothing is wrong so that I can stop worrying about it. I will ask for his help instead of being angry that he can't see that I need help. I will write him more love notes.

3)I will come closer to my Heavenly Father. Robert and I have a goal to go to the temple on the 2nd Tuesday of every month. We just chose a day so we could write it on the calender and be reminded. We didn't want to do it at the end of the month in case something came up and we had to try another day. I will also be better at reading my scriptures, and saying my personal prayers in the morning. I will say my prayers while I am feeding Edgar first thing in the morning. I won't fall back asleep and there will be few distractions.

4) I will live after the manner of happiness. For me, I am doing great at that right now. But to make sure I stay happy I am going to keep doing things. I will keep learning and creating, since that brings me joy. I will be silly with my husband, my sisters, my son, my dog, or anyone else who will do it with me. I will sing and maybe even skip. I will blog, take pictures, cook, and give gifts. I will serve my family. AND, I will get a new journal. I will start over and get back into the habit. Every day, I will record something that brought me joy that day and will list something I did to keep these goals as a part of my life.

With the old year, I burned my worries. I burned my depression. I burned my sense of laziness and un-accomplishment. These are the things I stuffed my dummy with this year, and my husband helped by pouring on the gasoline. I love my life, and it feels so good.